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The Time I Went on Diet and Got Stupid

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I am on a diet and If you read the complete post about it until the end, most probably I am not dead yet. This time, there were several failed times before, I am doing the Mayo Diet. In short, it’s a no salt, high in proteins and very low on carbs two week diet program. Or, diet from hell, as I have fondly nicknamed it within these 36 hours.

I made the decision on Monday morning, after Mama Geek toyed with my love handles, or upper panties fat as my colleague Che called it, right after I met my colleague who has been catering diet food. Within a week she looked slimmer, happier and prettier, sporting a new hair cut, similar to what I have been wanting to get for some time now.

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Pre Diet Night

I had an extra serving of my one favorite dish, bakmi (meat noodle) from Bakmi GM, rationalizing that I wouldn’t be able to have the next two weeks. I even regretted not buying Lindt Sea Salt earlier. Nevertheless, I went to bed thinking by the time I wake up the next day, I would be a new woman. Healthier, glossier, lighter.

Diet Day 1

7 AM – I chose a black flowy blouse, couldn’t handle another love handles discussion with Mama Geek.

8 AM – Informed her I’d be getting catering food for the next two weeks and she should take a break from cooking delicious food which contributed to the love handles in the first place.

9 AM – Accompanied Che eating at the cafeteria. I usually polished off a croquette, an iced choco chip coffee, a plate of dim sum with a black tea for breakfast. Today, I had none.

10 AM – Realized I pre-ordered a jumbo meat ball last week and it came today. Damn!! I completely forgot this. Contemplated to have one or three bites of the best part, the outer layer of the meatball, but decided against it. Let them have it my heart said heavily.

11 AM – Catering food came. Immediately opened it. There were three plastic cups. First cup had a questionable looking light yellow liquid, second cup looked like a salad mix and the last cup contained cut fruits. I put it in the fridge. I thought to myself that I was so not tempted by the food at all, but I have to force myself to eat it just for the sake of being healthy. I planned to eat it by 2 PM so that I’d be hungry enough not to care about the taste of it.

11.12 AM – I ate it. The seafood soup was as delicious as a salt-less soup could be and the salad leaves had slices of meat below it. Rejoice!

11.30 AM – Regular bra discussion at the office.

12 PM – Me and colleagues went to the mall the get ourselves pretty new bras, there was a 35% store wide discount at La Senza. There would even be enough time to check and compare the fitting since we* have already eaten.

*Some of them companied me for early solidarity lunch at the desk.

12.10 PM – There was no sale at La Senza.

12.12 PM – Drawn to the Food and Baking section at Kinokuniya bookstore, especially the easy Indian recipes. I could easily have an Indian meal right there and then. But I didn’t, because diet.

12.20 PM – Without the usual food hunting activity the mall felt empty, almost mechanical, like we were in slow motion mode with nothing to munch but time.

12.30 PM – Sat on the food court. A colleague ate an ice cream in front of me. I like ice cream.

12.31 PM – Made a mental note of ALL the restaurants and cuisines which I haven’t tried in this food court. From the authentic looking Korean restaurant to another Korean infused Sushi restaurant. I like Korean food.

12.33 PM – Should I get the chili marinated beef jerky, would it last two weeks in the fridge? Would I last two weeks without eating it if I knew it’s in my fridge. Me think not. Also, I like beef jerky.

12.35 PM – Kept eyeing the Starbucks on the corner. I could ask for black coffee, but that’s an expensive downgrade from my beloved toffee nut.

12.40 PM – Passed by an almond milk stall. Almost got almond milk. Remembered that I hate almond milk.

12.45 PM – Got a hot tuna pasta sauce from the food market. “When are you going to cook it?” my colleague asked. I eyed the expiry date. 17 November 2016. I shall wait.

12.50 PM – Che squealed when she saw a new pancake place which sell coconut pancake. I told myself it wouldn’t be good.

1 PM – Noticed that the usual bubble tea stall was gone. That’s it. I was so done with this mall.

1.15 PM – Had a holding-Starbucks-cup withdrawal syndrome on the way back. Bitched about some colleagues, including the kind old aunty in the accounts.

1.30 PM – So damn sleepy. Thoughts felt foggy.

2.15 PM – Moody, sad and like the weight of the world is on my shoulder.

3. 00 PM – Light headed.

4.30 PM – Tried to convince my colleagues to order cold press juice. None budge.

4.45 PM – Went to Groupon and ordered a bunch of food items, including vegetable chips and a jar of the spicy chili.

5 PM – Had a discussion on whether there was a diet/low calorie bubble tea drink.

5.10 PM – Thinking to open a healthy/low calorie bubble tea shop.

5.15 PM – Needed some inspiration, went through old, much thinner much uglier, pictures of me on Facebook. Thanked God that I no longer looked like that anymore. Wasn’t inspired at all.

5.30 PM – Snap at a colleague for no reason at all. Time to pack this moody heart home.

6.30 PM – Reached home and straight away opened the evening dinner box. Looked nicer. There were also a snack (raw nuts) and a dessert (sunny side up egg tart).

6.50 PM – Finished all but the fish, it didn’t taste nice. Next time I should heat up my dinner.

7 PM – Munched the nuts while searching for the Fitbit charger on every single corner in my room. Couldn’t find it. Became more agitated.

8 PM – Spoke to Fafa. Told him that I was so pissed because I misplaced the Fitbit charger, even though deep down I knew it wasn’t really about the charger.

9 PM – Muched the nuts and accused Mama Geek of throwing my the charger by mistake.

9.10PM – Munched the nuts while watching Law and Order SVU.

11 PM – Fell asleep beside the laptop and almost empty bags of nuts.

Diet Day 2

5 AM –  Damn.

6 AM –  Damn.

6.30 AM – Damn. Woke up with a bad mood. Didn’t want to go to work and snap to anyone again. Needed to be alone.

7 AM – Went out to tell Mama Geek that I’d be working from home today, but knowing she knew I was on a diet, she would see my weakness right through me. The sin of snapping at her > snapping at colleagues. Got into the shower instead.

7.10 AM – Hate today.

7.15 AM – Still hating today.

7.40 AM – Weighed myself naked, was one kg thinner.

7.44 AM – Felt ready to wear grey.

7.46 AM – Wrist felt incomplete without Fitbit. How did I become a Fitbit addict in less than a week?

7.45 AM – Looked thinner.

7.48 AM – Felt thinner.

7.50 AM – Thin feeling didn’t last, still hate today.

8 AM –  Suddenly realized that yesterday egg tart was not a dessert, it’s supposed to be today’s breakfast.

8.15 AM – In the lift, on the way up to the office, got reminded of what my friend said, “A successful diet is a diet done happily.”

8.16 AM – Told myself that I can conquer today.

10 AM – Today food came. This time it’s really a salad mix and a small kiwi. Ugh!

10.01 AM – Mama Geek texted; the charger was found in the very first box I looked yesterday before flipping my room upside down searching for it.

10.02 AM – I hate today and starting to have murderous thoughts. Gah!!

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  • Rachael Brennan

    Dieting SUCKS so hard. I was recently on a diet (now just trying to keep up healthy eating) and the first few weeks were the worst. Mine wasn’t as extreme as yours though. I basically cut out carbs for all meals except breakfast, and now seem to have found that a lot of the meals I used to cook at home, I have made healthier but they still taste amazing.
    Anyway, solidarity. You can do it!

    • Foreign Geek

      Thanks Rachael! Glad to know that we are on the same boat. I am planning to maintain the diet result *if it works, hopefully it does* by eating healthy as well. We should exchange recipes 🙂

  • Hahahha this is so much fun to read, though probably not so fun to live 🙂 keeping my fingers crossed up so you make it till the end… if that’s what you’d like 🙂

    • Foreign Geek

      Thank you Tihana <3 I am really happy if my writing can entertain in one way or another (through my misery) hahahahaha.. Believe it or not, it's getting easier, I am no longer constantly craving for rice 😛

      • That’s great 🙂 how is it 6 days from your comment? 🙂

  • Omg this was hilarious!!! You poor thing! You look gorgeous just as you are!
    I’m trying to keep away from carbs during the week. I’m less bloated already. All my snacks are fruit and I have a smoothie a day too.

    You made those nuts last a really long time!!!

    • Foreign Geek

      Hahaha that I did. Fruit snacks sounds like a great (and applicable) idea. Let me try that for the effort of clean eating

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