We were drinking on a Friday night when I blurted out in front of a friend, but to myself mostly, that “I was a Goth Chick, once”. Okay, for those of you who knew me during my Uni time, I am not sure if you noticed it about me during that phase. It was a long time ago and did not happen for a long time, but yeah, I was a Goth Chick.
I was dealing with some problems inside which I couldn’t share with anyone, retrospectively I now know that it was just a teenage phase, but boy was it hard and confusing and maddening at that time. At that time I had started to watch One Tree Hill. A TV show about someone who loves someone who loves somebody else and later loves the first one. One of the main characters was Peyton Sawyer. I identified with her so I began channeling her. I started to dress in black and black. I wore black mascara and all that late night doing things on my computer before going to school in the morning added the much needed addition to being a Goth chick, dark circles. I colored my hair jet black and I stopped combing it. My assumption was that if I comb my wavy hair rarely, the wave will turn out to curly ala Peyton. No, it didn’t. And it didn’t stop there. Peyton Sawyer is a music buzz, she is hosting a radio show and later become so, I am ashamed to admit it, I started to hang out with the band people in my school. I said hang out, but actually I was just being there. In front of their practice room, joining the band boy girlfriend/admirer club. Yes, I wore Metallica and Kiss tees like all the time during that period but that’s that. Music is merely something to support my fashion statement. I even managed to have a fling with a hardcore music buff who dedicated songs for me on the radio. I on the other hand, didn’t have a radio. Nor a music player. Because I have been and am actively tone deaf, I am bad at singing and don’t care much about music. So I listened to his dedication from my nokia phone’s radio, which was only turned on when he sms–ed me to listen to it at a certain time. Then I got bored of putting the effort, I chose to be Peyton Sawyer, who drew and decided to ignore her musical side. I started drawing and quoting her and practiced to smile like her. Fug I was a pathetic teen.
The phase finally stopped when I started to go to work. I mean people wouldn’t want to work with uncombed hair and frown face, would they?
I skyped with mom over the weekend. Out of curiosity, I asked whether she remembered me being a Goth once. “What is Goth?” she asked, fair enough. “The time when I was always frowning at dining table?”, she didn’t remember. I almost gave up; when I said “You know, when I wore my black band tees day in day out”. “Oh, you mean the time you stopped taking a shower before going to school” she asked. Damn you uncombed hair. She told me my Metallica T-shirt ala Peyton Sawyer is still in the closet. I’m so going to wear it the next time I visit home. Goth chick was a cool phase.